Will Rogers - Quotes 1-387
Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.
Will Rogers
You never know how much a man can't remember until he is called as a witness.
Will Rogers
Our public men are speaking every day on something, but they ain't saying anything.
Will Rogers
The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole?
Will Rogers
The reason political party platforms are so long is that when you straddle anything it takes a long time to explain it.
Will Rogers
Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with.
Will Rogers
Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you do not know when it is through if you are a crook or a martyr.
Will Rogers
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.
Will Rogers
The Republicans have their splits right after an election and Democrats have theirs just before an election.
Will Rogers
I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his money.
Will Rogers
Things will get better - despite our efforts to improve them.
Will Rogers
In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't read. If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing.
Will Rogers
An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
Will Rogers
Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.
Will Rogers
The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow, for he is looking with the crowd. But the one that can see years ahead, he has a telescope but he can't make anybody believe that he has it.
Will Rogers
When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur.
Will Rogers
Never miss a chance to shut up.
Will Rogers
Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.
Will Rogers
One revolution is like one cocktail; it just gets you organized for the next.
Will Rogers
Communism is like prohibition, it is a good idea, but it won't work.
Will Rogers
I wonder if it isn't just cowardice instead of generosity that makes us give tips.
Will Rogers
I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.
Will Rogers
In the early days of the Indian Territory, there were no such things as birth certificates. You being there was certificate enough.
Will Rogers
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
Will Rogers
America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there.
Will Rogers
Diplomacy is the art of saying, 'Nice doggie!'... until you can find a rock.
Will Rogers
The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
Will Rogers
The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
Will Rogers
If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Will Rogers
Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.
Will Rogers
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
Will Rogers
The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got.
Will Rogers
If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.
Will Rogers
America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. It will belong to the select few.
Will Rogers
If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.
Will Rogers
The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer.
Will Rogers
What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
Will Rogers
The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.
Will Rogers
I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times.
Will Rogers
No party is as bad as its leaders.
Will Rogers
The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.
Will Rogers
Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Will Rogers
Prohibition is better than no liquor at all.
Will Rogers
If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production.
Will Rogers
We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.
Will Rogers
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
Will Rogers
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
Will Rogers
Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.
Will Rogers
One ad is worth more to a paper than forty editorials.
Will Rogers
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
Will Rogers
When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states.
Will Rogers
Last year we said, 'Things can't go on like this,' and they didn't, they got worse.
Will Rogers
If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable.
Will Rogers
Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.
Will Rogers
If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.
Will Rogers
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Will Rogers
That we have carried as much political bunk as we have and still survived shows we are a super nation.
Will Rogers
If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.
Will Rogers
Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.
Will Rogers
I like to hear a man talk about himself because then I never hear anything... but good.
Will Rogers
Strangers are just friends I haven't met yet.
Will Rogers
Broad-minded is just another way of saying a fellow is too lazy to form an opinion.
Will Rogers
Lord, let me live until I die.
Will Rogers
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
Will Rogers
The world ain't going to be saved by nobody's scheme. It's fellows with schemes that got us into this mess. Plans can get you into things but you have to work your way out.
Will Rogers
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.
Will Rogers
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers
Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
Will Rogers
It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so.
Will Rogers
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
Will Rogers
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
Will Rogers
A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you.
Will Rogers
Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.
Will Rogers
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.
Will Rogers
Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.
Will Rogers
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?
Will Rogers
I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'
Will Rogers
Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.
Will Rogers
One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.
Will Rogers
People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.
Will Rogers
A fool and his money are soon elected.
Will Rogers
The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'
Will Rogers
The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.
Will Rogers
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Will Rogers
Things ain't what they used to be and never were.
Will Rogers
There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on Senators.
Will Rogers
There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.
Will Rogers
Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.
Will Rogers
Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.
Will Rogers
People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
Will Rogers
People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument.
Will Rogers
So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way.
Will Rogers
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
Will Rogers
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
Will Rogers
It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.
Will Rogers
Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.
Will Rogers
When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's memoirs.
Will Rogers
You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.
Will Rogers
The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.
Will Rogers
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
Will Rogers
You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.
Will Rogers
All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.
Will Rogers
Men gave women the right to vote but never meant for them to take it seriously. But being women they took the wrong meaning and did.
Will Rogers
Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.
Will Rogers
A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
Will Rogers
All there is to politics is trading. That's why politics is not as good as it was years ago. They don't have as many old-time horse traders in there.
Will Rogers
Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.
Will Rogers
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers
These baccalaureate addresses given to graduates don't offer 'em much encouragement outside of advising 'em to vote the straight Republican ticket.
Will Rogers
The United States never lost a war or won a conference.
Will Rogers
The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.
Will Rogers
The Ways and Means Committee is supposed to find ways to divide up the means.
Will Rogers
There is no race of people in the world that can compete with a senator for talking. If I went to the Senate, I couldn't talk fast enough to answer roll call.
Will Rogers
It won't be no time until some woman will become so desperate politically and lose all prospectus of right and wrong and maybe go from bad to worse and finally wind up in the Senate.
Will Rogers
The more I see of politics the more I wonder what in the world any man would ever want to take it up for. Then some people wonder why the best men of a community are not the office holders.
Will Rogers
Nothing will upset a state economic condition like a legislature. It's better to have termites in your house than the legislature.
Will Rogers
There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail. They are always yapping about 'public service.' It's public jobs that they are looking for.
Will Rogers
The Democrats are having a lot of fun exposing the Republican campaign corruptions, but they would have a lot more fun if they knew where they could lay their hands on some of it themselves for next November.
Will Rogers
I guess our country holds the record for dumbness. The Pope spoke to the world this morning in three languages and we didn't understand a one of 'em. But the minute he finished and the local stations got back to selling corn salve and pyorrhea toothpaste we were right up our intellectual alley again.
Will Rogers
The farmers starve three years out of four but the good year is always election year. It really looks like the Lord was in cahoots with the Republicans, but if He is that would make you almost lose faith in Him.
Will Rogers
Everybody in Washington seems to be apologizing to each other. In Washington they just generally figure that one hatred offsets the other and they are both even.
Will Rogers
When some nation wants us to help 'em out they use the same old 'gag,' that we should exert our 'moral leadership' and, like a yap, believe it, when, as a matter of truth, no nation wants any other nation exerting a 'moral leadership' over 'em even if they had one.
Will Rogers
I have looked politics and the movies both over and, while they have much in common I believe politics is the most common, so I will stay with the movies.
Will Rogers
Shrewdness in public life all over the world is always honored, while honesty in public men is generally attributed to dumbness and is seldom rewarded.
Will Rogers
Been reading Sunday's casualty lists from automobiles. It looks like everybody gets run over but Presidential candidates. Is there no justice in the world?
Will Rogers
Congress can pass a bad law and as soon as the old Normal Majority finds it out they have it scratched off the book.
Will Rogers
Nations will give up their lives (even cheer about it). They will give up their money in order to give up their lives, but to ask one to give up their trade to prevent a war, well, that has never been done.
Will Rogers
I see by the papers that they say 'Germany is going insane.' I wish you could name me a nation that is competent of judging insanity.
Will Rogers
Imagine a man in public office that everybody knew where he stood. We wouldn't call him a statesman; we would call him a curiosity.
Will Rogers
Never blame a legislative body for not doing something. When they do nothing, they don't hurt anybody. It's when they do something is when they get dangerous.
Will Rogers
The money we spend on government. And it's not a bit better government than we got for one-third the money two years ago.
Will Rogers
When an office holder, or one that has been found out, can't think of anything to deliver a speech on, he always falls back on the good old subject: AMERICANISM
Will Rogers
Even when our next war comes, we will through our shortsightedness not be prepared but that won't be anything fatal.
Will Rogers
The town with the cheapest land and most concrete can have the largest stadium.
Will Rogers
So much money is being spent on the campaigns that I doubt if either man, as good as they are, are worth what it will cost to elect them.
Will Rogers
In schools they have what they call intelligence tests. Well if nations held 'em I don't believe we would be what you would call a favorite to win it.
Will Rogers
There's the one thing no nation can ever accuse us of and that is secret diplomacy. Our foreign dealings are an open book. Generally a check book.
Will Rogers
No nation ever had two better friends than we have. You know who they are? The Atlantic and Pacific oceans.
Will Rogers
We would never understand why Mexico wasn't crazy about us. We have always had their goodwill, oil, coffee and minerals at heart.
Will Rogers
We don't seem to be able to even check crime. Why not legalize it and put a heavy tax on it. Make the tax for robbery so high that a bandit couldn't afford to rob anyone unless he had a lot of dough. We have taxed other industries out of business, it might work here.
Will Rogers
Congress has passed the big inheritance tax. That gets you when you're gone. I think it's a good law. You had had the use of the money during your lifetime, so turn it over to the government and they can do some darn fool things with it.
Will Rogers
Indians and primitive races were the highest civilized because they were more satisfied and they depended less on each other and took less from each other.
Will Rogers
The minute a fellow gets into the Chamber of Commerce, he quits mowing his own lawn.
Will Rogers
Lots of people in Europe wondered how America could train men so quickly. Well, when you only have to train them to go only one way you can do it in half the time.
Will Rogers
The best omen of international goodwill is that conferences are getting shorter. Now if they will do away with 'em entirely there will be no war.
Will Rogers
People talk peace but men give their life's work to war. It won't stop 'til there is as much brains and scientific study put to aid peace as there is to promote war.
Will Rogers
One thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs.
Will Rogers
One good thing about European nations: they can't hate you so bad they wouldn't use you.
Will Rogers
There is only one sure way of stopping war, that is to see that every 'statesman' has the same chance to reflect after it's over that these boys making 'poppies' have had.
Will Rogers
Anybody whose pleasure is watching somebody else die is about as little use to humanity as the person being electrocuted.
Will Rogers
I can remember when a man could be considered respectable without belonging to a golf club.
Will Rogers
I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering the taxes. I hope they do get 'em lowered down enough so people can afford to pay 'em.
Will Rogers
We have killed more people celebrating our independence than we lost fighting for it. We would celebrate the ending of each of our wars but we haven't got enough people to go around.
Will Rogers
We only have one or two wars in a lifetime. But we have three meals a day. When you have helped raise the standard of cooking then you would have raised the only thing in the world that matters.
Will Rogers
Well, they finally stopped us from sending marines to every war that we could hear of. They are having one in Afghanistan. The thing will be over before Congress can pronounce it, much less find out where it is located.
Will Rogers
When the big nations quit meddling then the world will have peace.
Will Rogers
No nation in the history of the world was ever sitting as pretty. If we want anything, all we have to do is buy it on credit. So that leaves us without any economic problem whatever, except perhaps some day to have to pay for them.
Will Rogers
The real energy and minds of the Normal Majority will step in and handle it and fight it through to a successful conclusion.
Will Rogers
Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it.
Will Rogers
We have it on the best of our information that taxes will be relieved, but not until after your death.
Will Rogers
A man in the country does his own thinking. Get him into town and he will be thinking second-handed.
Will Rogers
The good old days with most of us was when we didn't earn enough to pay an income tax.
Will Rogers
If nobody wants to disarm with us, we will show 'em we are right. We will shame 'em into it - if we have to sink our last life preserver to do it.
Will Rogers
When you get into trouble five thousand miles from home you've got to have been looking for it.
Will Rogers
I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.
Will Rogers
There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income.
Will Rogers
I guess no individual ever invented can pass the buck as quick as a nation can.
Will Rogers
If Wall Street paid a tax on every 'game' they run, we would get enough revenue to run the government on.
Will Rogers
The one way to detect a feeble-minded man is get one arguing on economics.
Will Rogers
One thing about farmers' relief: It can't last long, for the farmers ain't got much more to be relieved of.
Will Rogers
A gentleman quoted me on the floor the other day. Another member took exception and said he objected to the remarks of Professional Joke Maker going into the Congressional Record. They are the Professional Joke Makers. Read some of the bills that they have passed.
Will Rogers
No element, no party, not even Congress or the Senate can hurt this country now; it's too big. That's why I can never take a politician seriously.
Will Rogers
I have read all Presidential speeches on both sides up to now, and the winner is the man smart enough to not make any more. There is a great chance for a 'silent' third party.
Will Rogers
Democrats: you can't shame them into even dying. They would keep on living just to spite the Republicans.
Will Rogers
A lobbyist is a person that is supposed to help a politician make up his mind - not only help him but pay him.
Will Rogers
A smart state nowadays will appoint all their highwaymen from one place. Then one road will do all of 'em.
Will Rogers
There is very little dignity, very little sportsmanship, or very little anything in politics - only get the job and hold it.
Will Rogers
There has been war since the beginning of time and we are no smarter than the people that have gone before us. There is apt to be some more war.
Will Rogers
War talk in Europe has pretty near died out on account of no international conferences being held. They haven't got much chance of getting sore at each other.
Will Rogers
Headlines in the papers say: 'Europe criticizes U.S.' If memory serves me right we haven't complimented them lately ourselves.
Will Rogers
Nations are just like individuals. Loan them money and you lose their friendship.
Will Rogers
I don't care how little your country is, you got a right to run it like you want to.
Will Rogers
This open-door stuff is a lot of hooey. Any door is only open to those that have the best product at the cheapest money.
Will Rogers
An economist is a man that can tell you anything. His guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's, too.
Will Rogers
There is one rule that works in every calamity. Be it pestilence, war or famine, the rich get richer and poor get poorer. The poor even help arrange it.
Will Rogers
No nation has a monopoly on good things. Each one has something that the others could well afford to adopt.
Will Rogers
Big business don't go broke any more. The minute it looks bad for them, they combine with something else and issue more stock.
Will Rogers
Every nation must have its legalized form of gambling. We have our Wall Street.
Will Rogers
We'll hold the distinction of being the only nation in the history of the world that ever went to the poor house in an automobile.
Will Rogers
Don't make the first payment on anything. First payments is what made us think we were prosperous and the other nineteen is what showed us we were broke.
Will Rogers
The country is not where it is today on account of any man. It is here on account of the common sense of the big normal majority.
Will Rogers
Our public men take themselves so serious. It just looks like they are stoop-shouldered from carrying our country on their backs.
Will Rogers
Everybody is excited over who will win the election in Chicago. The side with the most machine guns will win it.
Will Rogers
It must be nice to belong to some legislative body and just pick money out of the air.
Will Rogers
The biggest praise that a humorist can have is to get your stuff in The Congressional Record. Just think, my name will be right alongside all those other big humorists.
Will Rogers
There should be a tax on every man that wanted to get a government appointment or be elected to office. In two years that tax alone would pay our national debt.
Will Rogers
A conservative is a man who has plenty of money and doesn't see any reason why he should always have plenty of money. A Democrat is a fellow who never had any money but doesn't see why he shouldn't.
Will Rogers
About being a U.S. Senator, the only thing the law says you have to be is 30 years old. Not another single requirement. They just figure that a man that old got nobody to blame but himself if he gets caught there.
Will Rogers
I love animals and I love politicians. I like to watch both of 'em play either back home in their native state or after they have been captured and sent to a zoo or to Washington.
Will Rogers
What this country needs is more working men and fewer politicians.
Will Rogers
A tax paid on the day you buy is not as tough as asking you for it the next year when you are broke.
Will Rogers
The crime of taxation is not in the taking of it, it's in the way that it's spent.
Will Rogers
It's a great country but you can't live in it for nothing.
Will Rogers
Comedians haven't improved. Nothing has improved but taxes.
Will Rogers
People want just taxes more than they want lower taxes. They want to know that every man is paying his proportionate share according to his wealth.
Will Rogers
The difference between a bandit and a patriot is a good press agent.
Will Rogers
Every war has been preceded by a peace conference. That's what always starts the next war.
Will Rogers
Asking Europe to disarm is like asking a man in Chicago to give up his life insurance.
Will Rogers
It takes quite a sense of humor for these people to understand us shaking hands with one hand and shooting with the other.
Will Rogers
Wars will never be a success until you have a referee and until they announce before they start just what it's for.
Will Rogers
A bunch of American tourists were hissed and stoned yesterday in France but not until they had finished buying.
Will Rogers
Woe be to a weak nation if they live by a strong one.
Will Rogers
Draft capital as well as men. Boys, there ain't going to be no war.
Will Rogers
Here we go again! America is running true to form, fixing some other country's business for 'em just as we always do. We mean well, but will wind up in wrong as usual.
Will Rogers
They got such a high inheritance tax on 'em that you won't catch these old rich boys dying promiscuously like they did. This bill makes patriots out of everybody. You sure do die for your country if you die from now on.
Will Rogers
There is a tremendous movement on to get lower taxes on earned income. Then will come the real problem. Who among us on salary are earning our income?
Will Rogers
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
Will Rogers
It's great to be great, but it's greater to be human.
Will Rogers
When a party can't think of anything else they always fall back on lower taxes. It has a magic sound to a voter just like Fairyland is spoken of and dreamed of by children. But no child has ever seen it. Neither has any voter ever lived to see the day when his taxes were lowered.
Will Rogers
Put a good tax on beer and that would take care of the unemployment fund.
Will Rogers
People are marvelous in their generosity if they just know the cause is there.
Will Rogers
It's not what you pay a man but what he costs you that counts.
Will Rogers
You must judge a man's greatness by how much he will be missed.
Will Rogers
Nothing makes a man broad-minded like adversity.
Will Rogers
Cities are like gentlemen. They are born not made.
Will Rogers
The Lord so constituted everybody that no matter what color you are, you require the same amount of nourishment.
Will Rogers
There is not a voter in America that twenty-four hours after any speech was made could remember two sentences in it.
Will Rogers
A President-elect's popularity is the shortest lived of any public man. It only lasts till he picks his Cabinet.
Will Rogers
I love a dog, he does nothing for political reasons.
Will Rogers
Outside of traffic, there is nothing that has held this country back as much as committees.
Will Rogers
The United States Senate opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.
Will Rogers
That's the trouble with a politician's life somebody is always interrupting it with an election.
Will Rogers
Slogan: Be a politician; no training necessary.
Will Rogers
A statesman is a man that can do what the politician would like to do but can't because he is afraid of not being elected.
Will Rogers
Great artists say that the most beautiful thing in the world is a baby. Well, the next is an old lady, for every wrinkle is a picture.
Will Rogers
Call me a 'rube' and a 'hick,' but I'd lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.
Will Rogers
The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.
Will Rogers
The time ain't far off when a woman won't know any more than a man.
Will Rogers
In this country people don't vote for, they vote against.
Will Rogers
The high office of President has been degenerated into two ordinarily fine men being goaded by political leeches into saying things that if they were in their right minds they wouldn't think of saying.
Will Rogers
As bad as we sometimes think our government is run, it is the best run I ever saw.
Will Rogers
Once a man wants to hold a public office, he is absolutely no good for honest work.
Will Rogers
The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.
Will Rogers
Every guy looks in his pocket and then votes.
Will Rogers
One of the evils of democracy is you have to put up with the man you elected whether you want him or not. That's why we call it democracy.
Will Rogers
People don't change under governments. Governments change. People remain the same.
Will Rogers
If you live right, death is a joke to you as far as fear is concerned.
Will Rogers
Education never helped morals. The most savage people are the most moral. The smarter the guy the bigger the rascal.
Will Rogers
The higher the education the higher priced drinks they become accustomed to. Prohibition will never catch up with education.
Will Rogers
No man can be condemned for owning a dog. As long as he's got a dog he's got a friend and the poorer he gets the better friend he has.
Will Rogers
What all of us know put together don't mean anything. Nothing don't mean anything. We are here for a spell and pass on. Anyone who thinks that civilization has advanced is an egotist.
Will Rogers
Everybody is ignorant. Only on different subjects.
Will Rogers
When ignorance gets started, it knows no bounds.
Will Rogers
There is nothing as easy as denouncing. It don't take much to see that something is wrong but it does take some eyesight to see what will put it right again.
Will Rogers
Nowadays it is about as big a crime to be dumb as it is to be dishonest.
Will Rogers
The American people are a very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible exception of stupidity.
Will Rogers
This country has gotten where it is in spite of politics, not by the aid of it.
Will Rogers
None of them from any party are going to purposely ruin the country. They will all do the best they can.
Will Rogers
Farmers are learning the relief they get from the sky beats what they get from Washington.
Will Rogers
Confucius perspired out more knowledge than the U.S. Senate has vocalized out in the last fifty years.
Will Rogers
The more education he gets the less apt he is to be a Democrat and if he is very highly educated he will see the apple sauce in both parties.
Will Rogers
The American people will vote dry as long as they are able to stagger to the polls.
Will Rogers
After a football game in Lima, Peru, five were killed. Up here we don't kill our football players. We make coaches out of the smart ones and send the others to the Legislature.
Will Rogers
Just raid the national treasury enough and you will soon be referred to as a 'statesman.'
Will Rogers
They ought to pass a rule in this country in any investigations if a man can't tell the truth the first time he shouldn't be allowed to try again.
Will Rogers
Statistics have proven that the surest way to get anything out of the public mind and never hear of it again is to have a Senate Committee appointed to look into it.
Will Rogers
Lincoln didn't have a foreign policy. That's why he's Lincoln.
Will Rogers
George Washington was a politician and a gentleman. That's a rare combination.
Will Rogers
A president should hold office six years with no re-election. Stop this thing of a President having to lower his dignity and go trooping around asking for votes to keep him another term. Six years gives him time to do something.
Will Rogers
Politics is the only sporting event in the world where they don't pay off for second money; a man to run second in any other event in the world it's an honor. But any time he runs second for President it's not an honor. It's a pity.
Will Rogers
If I was a President and wanted something I would claim I didn’t want it. Congress has not given any President anything he wanted in the last 10 years. Be against anything and then he is sure to get it.
Will Rogers
There is people so excited over this election that they think the President has something to do with running this country.
Will Rogers
Being serious or being a good fellow has got nothing to do with running this country. If the breaks are with you, you could be a laughing hyena and still have a great administration.
Will Rogers
Everybody nowadays is suggesting ways of getting prosperous on somebody else's money.
Will Rogers
You can't legislate intelligence and common sense into people. You can't broaden a man's vision if he wasn't born with one.
Will Rogers
Humanity is not yet ready for either real truth or real harmony.
Will Rogers
A fanatic is always the fellow that is on the opposite side.
Will Rogers
A man can fool you with his mind, and his soul and his heart, but if you follow his feet you will pretty near find out where he is going.
Will Rogers
Nothing will spoil a big man's life like too much truth.
Will Rogers
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
Will Rogers
Nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated on.
Will Rogers
Nobody wants his cause near as bad as he wants to talk about his cause.
Will Rogers
This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to do is to know when to die. Prolonged life has ruined more men than it ever made.
Will Rogers
Nothing makes people more alike than putting a dress suit on 'em.
Will Rogers
Actual knowledge of the future was never lower, but hope was never higher. Confidence will beat predictions any time.
Will Rogers
History ain't what it is. It's what some writer wanted it to be.
Will Rogers
We cuss the lawmakers. But I notice we're always perfectly willing to share in any of the sums of money that they might distribute.
Will Rogers
It's going to be hard to make an issue of corruption. It's like the poor, it's always been with us.
Will Rogers
It's awful hard to get people interested in corruption unless they can get some of it.
Will Rogers
Elections are a good deal like marriages, there's no accounting for anyone's taste.
Will Rogers
One seldom ever remembers meeting a Vice-President.
Will Rogers
I joke about prominent men but at heart I believe in 'em. I do think there is time when traces of 'dumbness' crop up in official life but not crookedness.
Will Rogers
The fellow sitting off looking at you can tell better how you are doing and what your prospects are than you can yourself.
Will Rogers
Theories are great, they sound great, but the minute you are asked to prove one in actual life, why the thing blows up.
Will Rogers
The world is full of men who do big things, but when you meet 'em they are not outstanding personalities. Pretty near everybody is almost alike.
Will Rogers
You can look at half the guy's stomachs in the world, and you can see they don't know how to order for themselves.
Will Rogers
I certainly know that a comedian can only last till he either takes himself serious or his audience takes him serious, and I don’t want either one of those to happen to me till I am dead (if then).
Will Rogers
I guess there is no two races of people in worse repute with everybody than the international bankers and the folks that put all those pins in new shirts.
Will Rogers
Papers say: 'Congress is deadlocked and can't act.' I think that is the greatest blessing that could befall this country.
Will Rogers
You know how Congress is. They'll vote for anything if the thing they vote for will turn around and vote for them.
Will Rogers
Why sleep at home when you can sleep in Congress?
Will Rogers
All Senators travel a lot. They all try to keep away from home as much as they can.
Will Rogers
Most people and actors appearing on the stage have some writer to write their material. Congress is good enough for me. They have been writing my material for years.
Will Rogers
Ain't it funny how many hundreds of thousands of soldiers we can recruit with nerve. But we can't find one politician in a million with backbone.
Will Rogers
Party politics is the most narrow minded occupation in the world.
Will Rogers
A politician is just like a pickpocket. It's almost impossible to get one to reform.
Will Rogers
Politics ain't worrying this country one tenth as much as parking space.
Will Rogers
More men have been elected between sundown and sunup, than ever were elected between sunup and sundown.
Will Rogers
The truth can hurt you worse in an election than about anything that could happen to you.
Will Rogers
If we could just send the same bunch of men to Washington for the good of the nation and not for political reasons, we could have the most perfect government in the world.
Will Rogers
Sometimes it makes you think we don't need a different man as much as we need different advisors for the same man.
Will Rogers
Popularity is the easiest thing in the world to gain and it is the hardest thing to hold.
Will Rogers
Rumor travels faster but it don't stay put as long as truth.
Will Rogers
Ain't but one thing wrong with every one of us in the world and that's selfishness.
Will Rogers
Everybody likes to hear it straight from the boss, even if you are going to get fired.
Will Rogers
I hope we never see the day when a thing is as bad as some of our newspapers make it.
Will Rogers
There is a great tendency all over the country now to be high brow. More people should work for their dinner instead of dressing for it.
Will Rogers
The whole trouble with the Republicans is their fear of an increase in income tax, especially on higher incomes.
Will Rogers
No animal in the world gets quite as hungry as a Democrat. He would rather make a speech than a dollar.
Will Rogers
No mathematician in this country has ever been able to figure out how many hundred straw votes it takes to equal one legitimate vote.
Will Rogers
You could keep politics clean if you could figure out some way so your government never hired anyone.
Will Rogers
Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.
Will Rogers
There ain't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket.
Will Rogers
Both parties have their good times and bad times at different times. Good when they are out. Bad when they are in.
Will Rogers
If by some divine act of providence we could get rid of both parties and hire some good men, like any other good business does, that would be sitting pretty.
Will Rogers
Republicans have always been the party of big business. The Democrats of small business. So you just take your pick. The Democrats have their eye on a dime and the Republicans on a dollar.
Will Rogers
Republicans want a man that can lend dignity to the office. Democrats want a man that will lend some money.
Will Rogers
If a man wants to stand well socially, he can't afford to be seen with either the Democrats or the Republicans.
Will Rogers
You've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best.
Will Rogers
The football season is about over. Education never had a more financial year. School will commence now.
Will Rogers
Banking and after dinner speaking are two of the most non-essential industries we have in this country. I am ready to reform if they are.
Will Rogers
When you straddle a thing, it takes a long time to explain it.
Will Rogers
Nothing breaks up homes, country and nations like somebody publishing their memoirs.
Will Rogers
The Republicans mopped up, the Democrats gummed up, and I will now try and sum up. Things are terribly dull now. We won't have any more serious comedy until Congress meets.
Will Rogers
A flock of Democrats will replace a mess of Republicans. It won't mean a thing. They will go in like all the rest of 'em. Go in on promises and come out on alibis.
Will Rogers
I hope some of the men who get the most votes will be elected.
Will Rogers
I generally give the party in power, whether Republican or Democrat, the more digs because they are generally doing the country more damage. The party in power drawing a salary is to be knocked.
Will Rogers
There is no argument in the world carries the hatred that a religious belief one does. The more learned a man is the less consideration he has for another man's belief.
Will Rogers
I bet any Sunday could be made as popular at church as Easter is if you made 'em fashion shows too. The audience is so busy looking at each other that the preacher just as well recite Gunga Din.
Will Rogers
If they are going to argue religion in the church instead of teaching it, no wonder you see more people at a circus than at a church.
Will Rogers
Whoever wrote the Ten Commandments made 'em short. They may not always be kept but they can be understood.
Will Rogers
The Ministry in all denominations are the poorest paid workers in the world. They would form a union and demand more pay, but they don't get enough to pay dues into a union so they can't form one.
Will Rogers
They were very religious people that come over here from the old country. They were very human. They would shoot a couple of Indians on their way to every prayer meeting.
Will Rogers
A wife is the cheapest thing you can get in the long run in the female line.
Will Rogers
Make every speaker as soon as he tells all he knows, sit down. That will shorten our speeches so much you will be out by lunch time.
Will Rogers
Terrible to have a law telling you you got to do something. But you ain't going to do it unless there is.
Will Rogers
Personally I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of the Legislature. You've got to work on his conscience. And his lack of a conscience is what makes him a lawyer.
Will Rogers
Best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what's the matter. He's just got to know.
Will Rogers
There is nothing that keeps poor people poor as much as paying doctor bills.
Will Rogers
Two things that tickle the fancy of our citizens, one is let them act on a committee, and the other is to promise to let him walk in a parade. What America needs is more mileage out of our parades.
Will Rogers
You would be surprised what there is to see in this great country within 200 miles of where any of us live. I don't care what state or what town.
Will Rogers
I have not aligned myself with any party. Sitting tight waiting for an attractive offer.
Will Rogers
Republicans take care of big money, for big money takes care of them.
Will Rogers
A cannibal is a good deal like a Democrat, they are forced to live off each other.
Will Rogers
The platform will always be the same, promise everything, deliver nothing.
Will Rogers
Democrats take the whole thing as a joke. Republicans take it serious but run it like a joke.
Will Rogers
The Republican platform promises to do better. I don't think they have done so bad. Everybody's broke but them.
Will Rogers
Live your life so that whenever you lose, you are ahead.
Will Rogers
There ought to be a law against anybody going to Europe until they had seen the things we have in this country.
Will Rogers
When newspapers knock a man a lot, there is sure to be a lot of good in him.
Will Rogers
It takes nerve to be a Democrat, but it takes money to be a Republican.
Will Rogers
Let this country get hungry and they are going to eat, no matter what happens to budgets, income taxes or Wall Street. Washington mustn't forget who rules when it comes to a show down.
Will Rogers
America can carry herself and get along in pretty fair shape, but when she stops and picks up the whole world and puts it on her shoulders she just can't 'get it done.'
Will Rogers
I am just an old country boy in a big town trying to get along. I have been eating pretty regular and the reason I have been is because I have stayed an old country boy.
Will Rogers
We should never reach so high that we would ever forget those who helped us get there.
Will Rogers
What constitutes a life well spent, anyway? Love and admiration from your fellow men is all that anyone can ask.
Will Rogers
This country is bigger than Wall Street. If they don't believe it, show 'em the map.
Will Rogers
Some people spend a lifetime juggling with words, with not an idea in a carload.
Will Rogers
Why don't they pass a Constitutional Amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as Prohibition did, in five years we will have the smartest people on earth.
Will Rogers
We shouldn't elect a President. We should elect a magician.
Will Rogers
I never met a man I didn't like.
Will Rogers
Remember, write to your Congressman. Even if he can't read, write to him.
Will Rogers
No man is great if he thinks he is.
Will Rogers
My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they met the boat.
Will Rogers
Mothers are the only race of people that speak the same tongue. A mother in Manchuria could converse with a mother in Nebraska and never miss a word.
Will Rogers
This would be a great time in the world for some man to come along that knew something.
Will Rogers
A man only learns by two things, one is reading, and the other is association with smarter people.
Will Rogers
America is a land of opportunity and don't ever forget it.
Will Rogers
There is one thing in common with all revolutions (in fact they are pretty near like wars in that respect) nobody ever knows what they are fighting about.
Will Rogers
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers
A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
Will Rogers
An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.
Will Rogers
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.
Will Rogers
The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
Will Rogers
Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.
Will Rogers
We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.
Will Rogers
